The Incredible Adventure of the Amazing OC
by Blue Teller
Summary: OC is a typical Fullmetal fangirl living an ordinary life, then BAM! Suddenly Truth dumps her in Amestris. Why? Who the heck cares! But OC is determined to make Ed her one true love, Edward is desperate to get rid of her, and everybody else is definitely confused. (Basically a two-shot parody of all real-world-girl-OCs Fullmetal fanfics out there)
1. OC's Quest Begins

_**The Incredible Adventure of the Amazing OC**_

* * *

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away... probably though not necessarily twenty-first century America... a young teenage girl named Odessa Collins, commonly referred to as "OC" by everyone, was sitting in a chair in front of her computer watching her favorite anime - Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Yay! OMG Ed is soooo hot!" she squealed as usual when Edward dramatically tossed away the remains of his torn red coat, revealing his impressive muscles and automail. "He is so, like, my true love. I wish I could live in Amestris, that would have been so awesome." She paused. "Except for the whole military-state who orders genocide of an entire race and forces good people to act as human weapons..." OC shrugged. "But who CARES! Edward is HOT!"

As the episode went on, with characters ranting about something boring - philosophy, playing God, death and all that stuff - she quickly fell asleep. Suddenly she found herself in a white void.

"Huh? That's weird. Where am I?"

" **Hello, OC,** " an eery voice greeted her, and she turned. There sat a white featureless figure, in front of an ominous-looking Gate.

"Hi," OC waved. "I just watched Episode 2 like ten minutes ago, but somehow I totally don't recognize you. Who are you?"

" **I am the Truth, young OC,** " said Truth dramatically. " **I am All, and I am One, and I am also... you.** "

"Gasp!" said OC.

" **Now, because it turns out the chair at your desk was a Philosopher's Stone all along and I happen to be bored, I decided to send you to Amestris for some reason.** "

"Oh wow, really?"

" **Yes, but I must take a toll from you first.** " Truth snapped Its fingers and suddenly OC lost all of her limbs.

"Oh." OC blinked in surprise. "That's... not good. How am I supposed to accomplish anything if you take away all my limbs?"

" **Don't worry, you get automail as a bonus,** " Truth said, snapped again and suddenly OC had four automail limbs in place. " **And some strange tattoos that may or may not imply you're kind of a Homunculus now.** " With a third snap OC's skin was covered with elaborate wicked-looking alchemical markings.

"Wow, thanks." OC brightened up immediately. "I thought I'd have to go through that super-painful surgery and three years recovery or something, but I guess this is fine."

" **Who would want to read about dull realistic stuff like that?** " asked Truth rhetorically. " **Besides, time-skips are too bothersome anyway. Now, OC, go and fulfill your destiny!** "

"You mean making Ed desperately fall in love with me so he'll be broken-hearted when I inevitably return to my own world at the end?" she asked eagerly.

Truth shrugged. " **Sure, why not.** "

"Great, then let's gooo!" OC cheered as creepy black hands started dragging her into the Gate.

* * *

Ed and Al were walking around Central, because apparently it was all they did these days.

"Hey, Brother?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember how we bought our tickets to Liore for tomorrow morning?"

Edward shot his younger brother a strange look. "Yeeees? We literally did that five minutes ago. Are you feeling alright, Al?"

"I'm not sure... I just felt an unexplainable need to establish the timeline all of a sudden."

Ed stopped in mid-stride and paled. "Oh no."

"What?"

"Al, you know what usually follows those random compulsions, don't you?"

Alphonse gasped. "You don't mean...?!"

Suddenly a bright flash of blue light appeared in front of them. As it faded away it revealed an unconscious body of an ordinary-looking, yet somehow irresistibly attractive teenage girl.

"DAMN YOU TRUTH!" Edward yelled, spinning on his heel and stomping away. "This is the fourth time this month! I am so DONE!"

"But Brother!" Al protested, picking the mysteriously normal yet utterly appealing girl up. "We can't just leave her here unconscious. We have to get her to a hospital!"

Ed waved his hand carelessly. "She's probably fine, leave her."

"No." Al stood his ground. "Even if she's who we think she is, we can't just leave her alone in the street like that. We have to at least make sure she's okay."

Ed rubbed his face with a painful groan. "Ugh, _fine_. But," He pointed at Al with his automail hand. "After that, we're leaving her!"

"Sure, Brother," Al said as they went to the nearest hospital.

* * *

OC opened her average-looking, although absolutely stunning, eyes with a groan. "Where... am I...?"

"How are you feeling?"

The echoey voice sounded familiar. OC blinked blurriness away as a vision of a giant suit of armor revealed itself.

"Alphonse...?" the normal teenage girl said sleepily, her weakness making her impossibly endearing. "Is that you...?"

"Yeah, that's my name." The helmet tilted in curiosity. "How did you know?"

"Squee!" OC exclaimed suddenly, startling him. "I really am in Amestris! Hurray!" She looked around the hospital room. "Where's Ed?"

"Brother is-" He started uncertainly, when suddenly the door slammed opened.

"Al! Hurry up, we gotta leave before she wakes..." Edward faltered when his eyes landed on OC. "...up... oh crap."

"EDWARD!" OC cheered, jumping off from the bed and wrapping her arms around the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Gah!" Ed exclaimed helplessly, losing his balance and sending them both onto the floor. "This one is worse than the others! Al, HELP!"

"Sorry, Brother..." Alphonse shrugged, powerless. "I can't go against the plot, you know that."

Ed glared at him with betrayal. "You are so dead to me, Alphonse."

"OMG OMG OMG, I can't believe I'm finally meeting you for real!" OC babbled away as if unaware of the conversation between the brothers. "I'm totally gonna marry you, you're so much more handsome in like this than in 2D! It's weird, it's like the world is still animated but I can see in 3D, if you know what I mean?"

Edward, barely following, only blinked in confusion. "Uh, no."

"Your eyes are sooo gold!"

"Really? I haven't noticed." He deadpanned.

OC nuzzled her nose into his bangs. "And your hair, gosh, it's even more silky than I imagined! And it smells so nice!"

"Get your face out of my hair, you crazy molester!" The alchemist shrieked, freaked out.

"Oh, Edward," OC said pityingly. "Girls can't be molesters! Only guys can be called abusive, don't you know that?"

"Tell that to our Teacher," Ed muttered, his face red with anger and embarrassment. "Can you PLEASE give me my personal space back? I'm incredibly uncomfortable with you sitting on me."

"Oh, alright," OC reluctantly agreed, releasing the Hero of the People from her embrace, much to his relief. "So, what are you guys up to right now?"

"We're heading to Liore tomorrow morning," Al revealed despite Edward's chagrin.

"Don't tell her that! You'll only encourage her!"

"Sweet!" OC grinned joyfully. "I'm coming with you! I promise I won't be a bother and everything."

Edward exploded. "Oh HELL no!"

"Ed!" Al scolded him. "Don't be so rude. She isn't asking for much, she just wants to keep us company."

"See?" OC gestured at Al. "Your brother likes me!"

"Of course he likes you, he likes _everybody_!" Ed growled, standing up. "What's your name, anyway?"

OC happily introduced herself. "My name is Odessa Mary Sue Collins, but you can call me OC!"

"Sure, whatever. Listen, OC, we don't have time for-"

"And of course you're going to teach me alchemy on our way there," OC continued as if she couldn't hear him.

Ed sputtered in disbelief. "What?! No!"

"But Ed! I have to learn it! What's the point of being in Amestris if I can't learn to use alchemy? Besides," OC smiled innocently. "I probably gained enough knowledge from the Gate so I won't even have to learn all that boring stuff about chemistry and composition! See, I'm already fluent in Amestrian, even though I didn't speak a word of it yesterday! Also, you guys are in danger all the time so I have to learn how to defend myself too."

"She does have a point, Brother," Alphonse said. "We want her to be safe so we won't have to be rescuing her all the time, right? It usually leads you to those awkward romantic moments with them."

Ed shuddered at the reminder. "Alright, but!" He pointed at her face menacingly. "You have to respect my personal space, got it? And it's only until we figure out how to send you back. Also, keep it down with the fangirl stuff - that is so creepy."

OC nodded with a wide smile which didn't seem trustworthy at all. "Sure thing, Eddie!"

He made a sour face. "Don't call me Eddie."

"Alright, pipsqueak!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTER THAN A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK?!"

"Did someone say 'pipsqueak'?" Roy Mustang suddenly appeared, with Lieutenant Hawkeye one step behind him. "I already like them!"

Ed wailed in despair. "Not now, Colonel Bastard!"

Mustang assessed the situation with one glance. "Another fangirl sent from a different dimension, Fullmetal?"

"Yeah, and this one is the worst! She said she wants to MARRY ME!" Ed despaired, pulling his hair.

Mustang blinked in mild surprise. "That's new. They're getting more rabid each time, aren't they?"

"ROOOOY!" OC exclaimed all of a sudden, tackling Mustang to the ground.

"Uh...?" The Flame Alchemist stared at the girl in disbelief. She was surprisingly strong for someone her age. Then again, she did have four automail limbs.

"I am SUCH a big fan!" OC gushed, much to Mustang's undisguised horror and Ed's wicked glee. "You are, like, my second favorite character in the show! Your face is sooo HOT! Pun totally intended."

There was a sudden click of a loaded gun.

"Release the Colonel immediately," said Hawkeye sternly, pointing her weapon at OC.

OC immediately stepped back from Mustang, although it was apparent her actions weren't caused by intimidation, if judging by her excitement. "OMG IT'S RIZA HAWKEYE! I ship you and Roy so hard! I mean, you guys are so made for each other! Screw the yaoi fans."

"The what fans?" Ed blinked in confusion.

OC patted him on the head. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

"You better not try make any more advances at the Colonel, or I will use this," Hawkeye promised darkly, her dangerous aura making all the men present in the room shake with fear.

"Oh no, no way! He's all yours, promise!" OC waved her hands placatingly. Then she dragged Edward into a hug. "The only one I'm interested in is Ed, I swear!"

"Don't you think I should have a say in all of this?!" Edward protested, trying to squirm out of OC's suffocating embrace.

"Hush, darling. The girls are talking."

"Edward doesn't seem to be reciprocating, though," Hawkeye pointed out with slight amusement.

"Give him time, he'll love me," OC said freely. "Like I said, Roy is all yours! Ed is the one I'm keeping."

"She's crazy!" Ed yelled. "Al, help, OC is kidnapping me!"

"She's only hugging you, Brother."

Ed turned to his superior in desperation. "Bastard, help me! Use your gloves, I beg of you!"

The Colonel shook his head with regret. "I'm sorry, Fullmetal. We already know your fangirls from another dimension are fire-proof."

"Dammit," Ed cursed, having forgotten that detail.

"If you could let Edward go, I'm sure he would appreciate it," Riza said calmly, lowering her gun.

"Alright," OC replied and to Ed's eternal surprise released him.

"Why didn't you let go of me earlier?!"

"Because you didn't ask me directly!" OC told him.

"HOW DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?!" Ed slapped his forehead, then shook himself. "No, you know what, it _doesn't_ matter! Al, we're leaving! And she is NOT coming with us!" He proclaimed, running out of the room.

"Hold on!" OC yelled as she chased after him. "You promised to teach me alchemy!"

"ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!"

"But I've seen the Gate and I can probably perform it without an array! That's impressive isn't it?"

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"But, I have four automail limbs and some super mysterious tattoos on my body!"

" _I DON'T CARE!_ "

Roy, Riza and Alphonse sweatdropped as their voices faded away.

"Umm... I better go after them, before Ed does something drastic," Al said and left the room.

Colonel Mustang looked at his Lieutenant questioningly. "What does 'shipping' mean anyway, Lieutenant?"

Hawkeye sighed with resignation.

 _ **The end.**_

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **As you can see, I've been reading some "Ed meets a real-world-OC" stories on this site and I noticed some common patterns... so I decided to make fun out of them. It's not that all those fics are BAD, necessarily, it's just they're so predictable. Also, Mary Sue OCs shipped with Edward are EVERYWHERE. It only inspired me more.**

 **I had incredible fun writing this, I hope you had fun reading it too.**

 **Thank you for reading, please favorite and follow and review if you can, but most importantly - read on and enjoy! :)**


	2. The Rise of OC

**_The Incredible Adventure of the Amazing OC, Part II_**

 ** _The Rise of OC_**

* * *

"Yipee! We're going to Liore! This is so exciting!" OC cheered while bouncing in her train seat.

The Elric brothers stared at her, nonplussed.

"H-how did this happen?!" Ed protested. "In the last chapter I clearly said we're not bringing her along!"

Al shrugged. "I have no idea, Brother..."

"Ah, the magic of cut-scenes" OC explained dreamily. "You can fix absolutely anything with them!"

"Why is there a second chapter in the first place?! Obviously it said " _ **The end**_ " at the bottom of the page! This shouldn't have happened!"

"You cannot escape me Edward, not before I make you madly fall in love with me!"

Ed slapped his forehead in exasperation.

"Listen, I don't even know you! I get that you like me because of some sort of picture-moving social media in your world but you don't know me either!"

OC gasped. "How can you say that?! I am the most faithful fan of the show! I know EVERYTHING about you!"

"Apparently not, if you think you can just force me to fall in love with you," Ed explained slowly as if speaking to a dim-witted child. "First of all, I don't have TIME for romance. I need to find a Philosopher's Stone to get Al his body back. Secondly-"

"-Brother already has a love interest," Alphonse interjected, making Ed fall from his seat.

"WHAT?! No I don't!"

"If you say so, Brother..."

Ed sputtered, waving his hands around. "B-but I don't! Winry's j-just a _friend_ , that's all! She's my m-mechanic! You know that!"

"I never said I meant Winry, Brother," Al said smugly.

Edward's cheeks flushed a bright red color. "Sh-shut up, Al!"

"Don't worry, at this point the two of you are not yet confirmed to be cannon," OC said with a bright smile. "You still have time to fall for someone else, and Winry? She could easily end up with Al!"

"HUH?!" Al exclaimed in shock.

"Wait, _WHAT?!_ " Ed screeched, piercing the armor with a death glare. "Is there something you're not telling me, _little brother_?"

"I have no idea what she's talking about!" Al said frantically, the steel managing to sweat bullets somehow. "I'm not interested in Winry!"

"You sure?" Ed growled possessively.

"Yes, honest! I don't even have a body right now, Brother, how would that even work?!"

The older Elric sibling stared for a moment longer before giving him a cautious nod. "Alright, I believe you. But," his eyes narrowed dangerously "If I find out you were hiding things from me..."

"D-don't worry Brother, no secrets here!" Al laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're right Al, you don't have to end up with Winry. After all," OC rubbed her chin thoughtfully "The general fandom consensus is that you end up with that Xingese Princess, Xiao-Mei or something..."

"He what?!" Ed's eyes bulged out of their sockets in shock.

"I'm going to marry a foreign princess?" Al said, confused. "How can that possibly happen? We're not royals!"

OC shrugged. "I have no idea how Xingese marriage politics work, so who cares."

Ed sighed impatiently. "Whatever. The point is, I am NOT going to spontaneously fall in love with you, and that's final."

"Ah, Edward," OC giggled and pinched his cheek, ignoring the dark glare being sent at her. "You're such a tsundere. _Of course_ you're going to fall in love with me, we have such great chemistry together!"

Ed deadpanned at her.

"Really?" he drawled out sarcastically. "How you figure?"

"We're constantly bickering and arguing, naturally!" OC explained happily. "Everybody knows that's a sign of a true love!"

Edward stared at her blankly for a long moment. Then...

"Pfff-HAHAHAHAH!" he burst out. "You think...! Bhuahahaha!" He grabbed his mid-section, his eyes watering. "That arguing... hahahaha! ...is a sign of... ghahahahahah!"

Realizing what his brother already had, Al couldn't resist joining in. A few moments later, the Elrics were rolling on the ground from laughter.

"You know," Ed gasped out after regaining some of his breath "If me arguing with someone was the sign of a true love... practically EVERYONE I know would be my love interest!"

"Well to be fair, you're shipped with virtually every possible character in the show..." OC muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing!"

"Look, take me and Al for example," Ed pointed at his brother. "We argue almost everyday! How is that a sign of true love?"

"Well of course I do love you Brother, it's just not THAT kind of love," Al said.

Ed made a face. "Who in their right mind would... no, you know what, forget it. That's too disturbing to even think about."

OC coughed discreetly.

"Or, think about Mustang and I," Ed continued. "We fight all the time because I hate the Bastard's guts. No one is crazy enough to think we're in love with each other!"

OC covered her mouth to hide a coughing fit.

"The point is," the State Alchemist finished "Arguing and bickering means nothing. That's not chemistry, that's basic human interaction."

"Unless we're talking about Brother and Winry, that is," Al whispered to OC theatrically.

Ed went beet-red again. "AL! I told you, _she's just my mechanic!_ "

* * *

"So, we're here," Al said as they arrived at the train station in Liore. "What are you planning on doing now, OC? Beside making Brother fall in love with you, that is."

"You could maybe tell us where to find the Philosopher's Stone, or warn us of any incoming danger," Ed said with sarcasm "Since you know the future and all?"

"Pfff, no" OC replied. "I'm going to allow the script to progress exactly the way it did originally, sometimes only adding my own lines of dialogue which serve no purpose whatsoever, and watch as people get hurt or die even though I could have easily prevented it by telling them beforehand. Obviously!"

"What's the point if you don't change anything?" Ed asked with irritation.

"Why would I change the story? It's already perfect, changing it would only mess it up," OC explained cheerfully.

"Then WHY would you even BE in the story?!" he exclaimed impatiently.

"I told you already Ed, you're supposed to fall in love with me! I am so special and beautiful and unaware of it after all, you just can't resist me."

"Uhuh, sure," Ed said flatly.

"Besides, be glad I even remember the show as it is," OC continued as if Ed didn't say anything "Truth could have taken my memories or my voice as the Toll before sending me to Amestris, thus unable to affect the main plot while making me a compelling protagonist in this amazing story!"

"I would have liked you better as a background character," he muttered.

"By the way, this reminds me..." OC said with a confused frown. "What happened to the other three people from my world? The ones you said appeared earlier this month?"

Ed blinked at the sudden change of topic. "We don't know, actually. They somehow all disappeared while we weren't looking." Then he turned and pointed at a sign stating 'DRINKS & FOOD'. "Hey, I think we just found a spot for lunch. I hope you brought your own cash, OC, because I am NOT paying for you." When there was no response, he looked at the girl - only to realize she was no longer there. "...OC?"

"Brother! She's gone!" Al exclaimed.

The Elrics stared at each other silently for a moment.

"THANK GOD!" Ed shouted with glee, starling his brother. "Now, let's get some food, I'm starving!"

The armored sighed at Edward's lack of tact, but secretly couldn't help but agree with him.

* * *

"Wait, who are you?" OC said with confusion as a stranger suddenly dragged her away from her true love.

"Shut up and keep walking."

"What-?"

OC was roughly pushed through a backdoor of a church. Then in a flash of red light, she realized she was facing three familiar figures.

"OMG YOU'RE ENVY!" OC cheered. "You're like my third favorite character in the show!"

"I see you found another one," Lust remarked dryly, ignoring the fangirling in front of her.

"...you are, like, so awesome! If I weren't after Edward I would have totally married you and everything...!"

"It's the fourth one this month," Envy said with annoyance. "Will this never end?"

"Can I eat her, Lust, can I?" Gluttony begged, staring at OC like a child at a candy display.

"No, Gluttony. These... creatures... deserve far worse fate than that. Besides, it'd be bad for your health, trust me."

"...and Lust, she was gone way too early in the series!..." OC talked cheerfully, completely unaware of the immortal monsters plotting her demise.

"Can we kill it with fire this time?" Envy asked enthusiastically.

Lust hummed thoughtfully. "Let's go to Father, I think he still has that vat of boiling lava standing around somewhere..."

"Huh, who knew it would turn out to be useful someday?"

"...and Greed, man the guy's voice is HOT! If I didn't think Envy was the hottest out of all Homunculi - not that you're not hot, Lust, no offence..."

"Please, Lust, I'm hungry!"

"Gluttony, _no_."

"I'm still voting for the fire."

And so the three Homunculi dragged the still happily ranting OC away into the sunset, never for her to be seen again... much to the relief of everyone.

 _ **The end.**_

* * *

 _ **(No, seriously this time.)**_

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Begone, OC! Return to nothing!**

 **I was surprised when people wanted more. But oh well, I probably would have written this anyway, heheh xD It was the most fun thing to write** _ **ever**_ **!**

 **Thank you so much for reading, please favorite and follow and I would love to have some reviews :) But most importantly, don't forget to read on and enjoy!**


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